Curiosity Is a Leader’s Most Underrated Skill
Curiosity Is a Leader’s Most Underrated Skill
By Amber Waugaman, Executive Leadership Advisor
Mark prided himself on running efficient one-on-ones…. clear agendas, tight updates, no wasted time. In his meeting with Alex, his direct report, one morning, everything had followed the script. Just before wrapping up, Alex hesitated then said, “Honestly, I’m just not sure the team believes in the new direction.” Mark nodded and said, “Let’s make sure deadlines don’t slip.”
Later that week, during our coaching conversation, Mark mentioned his frustration about the team’s disengagement. They’d lost two good people that quarter and morale felt flat. I asked him to walk me through a recent one-on-one.
Mark recalled his discussion with Alex and mentioned that at one point, Alex said something about the team getting discouraged. Mark acknowledged that deadlines were slipping and he moved on because he didn’t want to get stuck in a long discussion.
I asked what made him move on so quickly. He said, “Honestly? I didn’t know where that conversation would go… I figured it would turn into venting and I didn’t have time for that.”
That’s when it clicked for him. He wasn’t avoiding his team’s feedback, he was avoiding his own discomfort. He didn’t want to open a conversation he couldn’t control. What if it turned emotional? What if he didn’t have the answer? He didn’t want to hear something he couldn’t fix so he kept things neat and efficient and missed the chance to actually lead.
What leaders lose when they stop being curious
Few leaders realize how easily curiosity fades as they rise. At a certain level, the world starts rewarding certainty instead of curiosity, and that’s exactly what begins to undermine your effectiveness.
The shift might be subtle at first: you stop asking questions because you think think you already know. You stop probing when something feels off because the clock is ticking. Then one day, you realize you’re surrounded by people who wait for your answer instead of offering theirs.
Here’s what that quiet erosion actually costs you:
You start assuming. You fill in the blanks because it feels more efficient. You think you already know why someone’s frustrated, why a project’s stalling, or why a team is quiet. You don’t. Assumptions make you confident, but not correct. And the more senior you are, the fewer people there are willing to tell you you’re wrong.
People stop bringing you the truth. When you stop asking, people stop telling. They learn what’s safe to say and what isn’t. They start giving you the version they think you want to hear. It’s not deception, it’s self-protection. And that’s when you start leading on partial information. Your influence shrinks because people disengage quietly.
You stop growing. Once people stop being honest with you, your learning stops too. You’re operating inside your own echo chamber. You keep solving problems the same way because no one’s challenging your perspective anymore.
How curiosity gets trained out of you
At 4 years old, we ask close to 400 questions a day – OUT LOUD. Then school teaches us to stop…. the teacher asks and we answer. By middle school, curiosity feels risky.
The workplace reinforces this further: it rewards people for efficiency, decisiveness, and confidence – the exact traits that suppress curiosity. Promotions go to people whoknow,not those whowonder.And that’s the problem. The system trains out the skill leaders need most. By the time you’re in charge, curiosity feels unsafe. You’ve built a career on having answers so admitting you don’t have the answer can feel like weakness.
In a world that celebrates speed, slowing down to ask a question feels indulgent. Slowing down feels like falling behind.
Lastly, curiosity means stepping into something you can’t control… topics you can’t predict, feelings you might not know how to handle. Real curiosity means walking into ambiguity and that makes many leaders deeply uncomfortable.
Rebuilding the muscle
Curiosity won’t come back by wishing for it. You have to practice. In the moment, ask yourself 2 simple questions:
(1) What can I be curious about here?
(2) What’s making me uncomfortable about being curious? Those questions interrupt autopilot.
Once a week, look back and rate yourself – how curious was I? When did I pause to understand and when did I push past because it felt messy or slow?
Curiosity isn’t a personality trait, it’s a discipline. You rebuild it the same way you build every other skill that matters – by paying attention and practicing it on purpose.
If you think your leaders could benefit from rebuilding their curiosity muscle – learning to slow down, listen deeper, and lead through questions instead of assumptions, let’s chat.
